No matter how the debate over Iraq, Afghanistan, and the rest of the Middle East plays out between President Bush and the new Democratic Congress, one fact should not be forgotten: Our young men and women are still over there.

Unless you have a member of your immediate family in the war zone, it might be too heartbreakingly easy to lose sight of that. But not if Upper Darby resident Tim Wade can help it, and especially not with the holidays approaching.

Wade's son, Colin, recently returned from doing three tours of duty with the Marines in Iraq. That came to about a year-and-a-half worth of trial-and-error that Tim and his wife, Abby, experienced regarding what to send, and how to send it - all the while praying like crazy.

"I was hoping that I could talk him a bit into going into ROTC or whatever," Tim Wade recalled of his reaction to Colin's wanting to serve in the military. "He wanted to be a grunt. He got a near-perfect score in the military aptitude test. I tried to talk him out of being an infantryman, but he didn't put down an alternative."

Colin Wade is home and safe, now. The 22-year-old is a freshman at Penn State's main campus. The Wades, though, have not forgotten about the others still over there - or their families.

Tim Wade offers detailed advice to friends and relatives of servicemen and women, which is how I came to find out about the Wades. My nephew, Mike Black, also a Marine, is now in Iraq. Mary Black, Mike's mom and my sister-in-law, forwarded to me the e-mail Tim Wade sent her. Mary Black had wanted to find out what she should send her son. Here's part of what Tim Wade wrote:

"First of all send lots of packages, letters, and postcards, even if you talk a lot by phone. They want to hold something in their hands that you held in yours. Every time they have mail call you don't want him to be the guy who gets nothing. In fact, send him a couple extra items for those guys.
"We used the priority, fixed rate boxes from the Post Office. You have to fill out a customs form with each package. Get a stack of them from your Post Office. Tell them what they're for and they'll explain the whole process. If you get an unhelpful clerk just try another one.

"Also check out motomail at http://www.motomail.us/. You send him e-mail and they print them out. You have to set up an account but it's free. They are much faster than regular mail even to the forward units.

"Send lots of photos. Send pictures of you, your neighbors, his friends, the street you live on, sites around the town you live in, his high school, pets. Send photos of you doing seasonal stuff like raking leaves, shoveling snow, or putting up holiday lights. For his birthday, make up a big sign and have everyone that you think of hold it and take pictures. Complete strangers like the local police, firemen, and politicians will be happy to pose. Pretty girls are even better. Colin was never there at Christmas but a Merry Christmas sign collage would be a good idea too."

Tim Wade said that what you send will often depend on exactly where the soldier is stationed. Large bases should be adequately supplied. However, if they're at a forward base, such as Fallujah, "they had nothing," Tim Wade said. This I what the Wades sent their son:

"Very important in every shipment: AA batteries, baby wipes, and a pair of black socks. Anything that you bake, he'll love even if it arrives as crumbs. They share everything so send plenty. Hard candy to suck on and Clif bars ship better than regular candy bars. At the forward bases they get tired of MREs, but can really only boil water. We sent hot chocolate, international coffee mixes, teas, instant oatmeal, boil-in-pack rice meals, tuna fish packs, beef jerky, canned fruits, pepperoni. Don't forget his favorite childhood foods. An unexpected box of Oreos or Fruit Loops can be a godsend.

"It gets very cold in the winter over there. And they are out in it for long hours on guard and patrol duties. We used to send him Underarmor but that's been banned because it made burn injuries worse.

"We also sent him a lightweight, fleece sleeping bag liner from REI. At other times we sent a WhisperLite backpacking stove that burns any kind of fuel (also from REI) and a rice cooker to boil water when they had a generator.
"Get to know this Web site: http://www.usmcparents.com/forum/default.asp. Find the page for your son's unit. It will put you in touch with his buddies' parents, families, and girlfriends. We got a lot from reading it every day.
"No one goes through what the families do imagining in their heads. Colin said that he felt sorry for us, knowing that we'd be worried sick all the time while half of the time he was just sitting around playing cards with his buddies."
Finally, Tim Wade has this advice: "Pray a lot."
Amen.